第25小时

★一些被你错过的好电影之《25th Hour》★—— 如果忘记你是梦前一阵把表演工作坊的《我和我和他和他》带给老同学看，果不其然，两个半小时后又一个五大三粗的老爷们被感动得一塌糊涂。

或许有人要说了，一个大男人因为看了一出戏而悲从中来是不是心灵太脆弱了？

从某种角度来看，这种说法没错。

老同学之所以会和我一样被狠狠地感伤了一回，或许是因为在看到舞台上有些东西时，或多或少联想到了自己的一些切身感受，他人的表演中仿佛带有我们过去日子的斑驳影子。

其实每当我回忆起过去的种种时，总会把曾经存在过的感受用心写下来，叙述得更精确一点，因为我想在将来的某个悠闲时刻翻看自己过去的成长记录会是一件挺有趣的事。

就象今天在自己常去的论坛里翻看自己前些年写的一些帖子和对于一些问题的回复，发觉那时的帖子在字里行间还透露出那么一点纯洁。

我的意思是说，那时的我还没被各种激进或者糜烂的概念搞乱，还相信某些东西，写出的东西还有人味儿。

而这些品质于今天的我来说似乎早已丧失殆尽，原来就在这么不知不觉间最沉重的欲望早已压得我崩塌了，沉没了，就这样牢牢地被钉在了生活底部。

“也许当初你也曾挣扎，也许慢慢地你会学着适应。

但若干年后的某一天，现实会不会猛然间把你击到谷底，感觉就像跟你开了一个荒谬绝伦的玩笑？

你或许会突然发现，你并没有勇气承受昔日的选择带来的结果。

” 我一直认为Edward Norton在片中出演的角色Monty从本性来说是个善良的人，这在影片开头他救助收留那条严重受伤的狗时就能看的出来，但同样要知道的是，那时正是他与同伴一起去毒品交易的路上。

这种从骨子里透露出来的矛盾色彩，或许在一开始就奠定了影片基调，展示出了导演所要表达的内涵——在生活面前，你做不了自己。

随着剧情的发展，才逐渐知道，原来Monty在高中时代拿奖学金上学费昂贵的私立学校，而且还在曾一度保持着学校篮球队中的某项记录。

照理来说，这样品学兼优的学生应该顺利的考上大学，毕业后当个律师或者医生什么的才对。

但事实上，还没等到高中毕业他就贩毒，而他的这种堕落则是为了保护开小酒馆的父亲不再受地痞的敲诈才开始。

面对着如洪水猛兽般的生活，他的脆弱犹如纸筑堤防上赤手空拳的幼儿，就这样无力又无奈地被巨浪所吞噬。

影片把一个纽约人的生活状态，那点本性原汁原味地呈现了出来，让我不由自主地将这个荧幕形象当成是现实生活中一个真实投影，就象是身边某个关系密切的朋友。

以至于当看到缉毒警察得到线索去主角家中搜查证据时，我的胸口就象是被压了块石头一样喘不过气来，内心中似乎涌出警察最终会一无所获的莫名希望，尽管我的头脑清楚地知道警察捉拿毒贩对于社会来说是一件有益的事。

我知道这是种真实，就象我同样清楚地知道真实一旦赤裸裸，就往往很难令人接受，看着就显得那么的扎眼。

在电影中一段简单的画面反映在生活中或许就成了百感交集莫哀一是，电影与现实之间的差距巨大，这其中当然有电影这一表达工具的本身的局限：观众往往对故事结局有圆满的要求，片长限制又使得导演只能屈从于描述主要事态的发展，很多真实顾不上。

所以要理解导演在这部电影中所表达的现实内容，除了通过主人公以外，影片中主角两个朋友也要相当关注。

而他们的身份设定也称得上是两个典型——一个是中学老师Jacob；另一个则是股票经纪人Frank。

中学老师Jacob这个角色在本片中的穿着古板言行严谨，这也包含着社会中传统与保守的一面。

与他的女学生比起来更是反差强烈——年轻女学生追逐时尚，没有怀疑地崇拜明星。

而有意思的是，Jacob在心中常常会出现一些对女学生的幻想与冲动，而且在夜总会的那场戏中，他也真的亲吻了自己的女学生。

从第一反应来说，我想这举动是欲望战胜了理性而造成的。

但真的就如此简单么？

要知道人的思想机器过于复杂，而行动又往往暧昧，哪怕将动机一点点剥离，也未必料得到他为什么会那么反应。

或许导演想通过这个人物来反映当下纽约人一种人文精神的迷茫？

中年教师在灯红酒绿的夜总会中拜倒于年轻女学生，索性依靠最后的理智才未全面崩溃，却也寓示着传统保守与新潮开放间碰撞时前者的防线并不牢固，已经出现了裂缝。

但年轻就代表着未来么？

人文精神的进化个是个直线的过程，期间也可能会有倒退，不出现循序渐进的改良时也可以延续几百年在平庸中延续。

本来越是年轻的人越是容易迷茫，但当下的纽约人中本应该有坚定理念的中年人在不断发生变化的生活面前，也和众多年轻人一样开始变得茫然不知所措，不明白自己究竟应该何去何从？

股票经纪人Frank这个角色对事情的判断准确行事潇洒，到是很符合都市精英的形象，但是干炼和帅气的外表掩饰不了他内心与Jacob一样的孤独。

这也就是为什么在夜总会中他在与Jacob交谈时，流露出对Monty女友Naturelle的偏见态度。

他或许是在嫉妒，嫉妒一个街头的毒贩有人爱而自己这样一个外人眼中的青年才俊却仍然没有找到一个能相伴终生的人。

Frank与Jacob都是孤独的，他们本质相同，只是表现方式演绎方向相反而已。

而黎明时分，三个男人在河边混乱的争吵厮打这场戏，是不是可以这样地被抽象表达：经济（Frank）把个人生活（Monty）狠狠殴打了一顿，面目全非，人文精神（Jacob）夹杂在两者之间无所适从？

老实说这并不是一部如《阿甘正传》那样人见人爱的影片，没有庞大的背景、巨大的投资、各种声光特效，但确实是我所喜欢的，因为看这部电影大概了解另一个国家，在另一种文化环境中生活的人们在经历了一场大悲剧后几个普通人的生活原生态，细细回味起来也能从中感受到影片所反应的大环境——面对各种困难后，个人究竟该给自己如何定位。

这令我想到了《我和我和他和他》，虽然故事内容不同，环境不同，但同样是一个关于面对生活中种种压力之时，关于人的故事。

更重要的是，影片最后Monty去监狱的路上，父亲娓娓道来的生活，配合上轻柔的画面，给人以安宁的一种感觉。

尽管生活如此糟糕，但只要还有希望，那总是好的。

就象《我和我和他和他》的片尾曲：如果忘记你是梦。

在此以前仿佛分别好几个春天想不出来没有你的日子还能有爱你是夜里那道最美丽的光在离我很远的岸上照向我独自等待眼前雨雾散你是夜里那道最温暖的光永远停留在我年轻的心上想念你是苦等待你是苦渴望你是苦寻找你还是苦可我宁愿如此的清醒承受如果忘记你是梦

演技没得说，叙事手法高超取景也很到位，很多镜头都可以当海报两个小时压缩主角的入狱前最后24小时的故事，还有那时间之外平行于脑部世界的美好想象生活的一个小时，共计二十五小时！

女友的爱信任，与被怀疑，情窦初开的年纪让自己勇敢选了爱情，并坚持了下来！

金融精英男，用自己的科学理论怼别人，平头论足，风流撩拨，对于自己看重的友情，许下的也是一辈子的诺言，看着公寓外的废墟，即使有危险自己也不前走、骨子里他才是最倔强的崽老师，最后也跨出了那一步，越过了自己的底线，触碰准绳，一直都在坚守的原则，不改分数，在自己内心深处感情释放的时候也被冲击的溃散了……只希望学生对老师也是真爱这就能开心吃瓜了！

父亲，一个背负着愧疚与自责生活的老男人，靠着对儿子的父爱做自己当下觉得最正确的事，酒吧，警察，黑老大都不是个！

就是想给儿子做点什么来弥补！

伙伴，肥胖的俄国佬，一直在插科打诨的生活，说话被老师纠正过一次，和男主经历了很多，对其有很重的信任，但是没有交代什么原因，也是把这份信任糟践了！

应该没有烙个好结果……主人公和狗，一起说一下，都是这个杂乱世界，努力活下去过更好的角色，狗很幸运遇到了男主，男主的贵人不知道最后会不会出现，是谁都有可能，也可能就是他自己！

挣扎一下，总比直接投降要好看些，脸上的伤不能白弄了！

狗是一种人生的抽离用动物来间接展示了一把！

导演，服男主，服

一种宁静的绝望。

影片的台词，背景音乐，镜头都很赞。

这里只谈对影名的理解。

毋庸置疑，印象最深的两段，就是开始时Monty(爱德华诺顿饰)在他父亲的餐厅面对镜子诅咒整个美国社会以及自己的生活的长达5分钟的fuck.和结尾Monty的父亲开车送他去监狱的路上他父亲的独白。

我始终觉得，只有最后这一段独白，才是本片的重中之重。

所谓的第25小时，就是Monty梦境中父亲描绘的那幅田园诗歌般的画面。

前面的一切都是铺垫。

之前24小时的告别仪式，每一分每一秒都弥漫着现实的残酷。

却又不得不面对。

而这24小时过后的下一个小时，7年的监狱生活的开始，人生必将陷入更深重的黑暗之中。

人们当面临未知总不由自主的恐惧。

弱者选择把这种恐惧表现出来，以期待得到鼓励与帮助。

强者选择压制甚至忽略这种恐惧，从容面对。

有时候，没有谁能真的帮谁。

在看过《越狱》这种以“密切跟踪Mike的行踪拍成的大型监狱生活指南性的纪录片”之后，正常人都知道，在美国，或许没什么比锒铛入狱更恐怖的了。

但是我们的Monty是坚强的，他选择了“硬着头皮直面惨淡的人生”！

巨大的恐惧被强压下去了，主人公从头到尾都没有歇斯底里，他只是有条不紊的处理完所有的留恋，以最理智的态度为那未知的第25小时做着准备。

太宁静了，他怎么可以这么理智！

以至于电影中Monty的女朋友Naturelle替我们喊出了这份疑问---我觉得他今天晚上很不平常，我想要看到他恐惧的样子（I want him to act like he's scared.）但是恐惧有什么用呢It won't do any good to us.绝望，常常是不能分享的。

人必将独自品尝属于他自己的那一份孤独。

他其实多么想逃避这一切。

他其实多想要重过此生。

我知道。

因为最后一段是这么演的么从他父亲描绘的新的生活，其实正是Monty美丽而渺远的梦境，梦不会说谎，它在我们的主人公终于放松的那一刻跳出来告诉我们，Monty一直这么理性与坚强，其实心里有多害怕。

害怕到想要不顾一切的逃离。

他宁愿放弃曾拥有的一切，隐姓埋名，重过一生。

过一种生活，仿佛之前的种种，30年的光阴从来没发生过---It all came so close to never happening...在那段梦里，他的父亲反复又反复的强调，you can't come back ,and you never look back.一个人究竟要聚集多大的勇气才能对自己朝夕相处了半生的生活彻底决裂？

将过去的人生彻底否定去过另一场人生？！

其实一直我们是不知道那些画面是Monty的梦境的，导演把现实与梦里的画面衔接的非常了无痕迹，他故意迎合了观众的期望，让我们以为善良俊朗的主人公逃脱了入狱的噩梦。

虽然即使面对这或许已算是最好的逃脱现实的情景，我仍然感到难过的要死。

而导演竟然在最后我们终于开始认同那样的一生或许还不错的时候，把画面切回了现实--开往监狱方向的车仍然在行驶，Monty依然鼻青脸肿惨不忍睹的睡着。。。

我忍不住唏嘘--原来仅仅是场梦啊---同时更加抓心挠肝的难过他爹平静富有磁性的旁白仍在继续---This life came so close to never happening...原来Monty睡着了的这25th Hour，it never existed.过去。

梦境。

一切。

就像从未发生过一样。

附最后一段父亲的旁白-（F:Father M:Monty）F:Give me the word,and i'll take a left turn.M:Left turn to where?F:Take the GW Bridge and go west.(去乔治华盛顿桥，然后往西开)Get you stitched up somewhere and keep going.Find a nice little town.On the way,stop in Chicago for a Cubs game.You always told me you wanted to see Wrigley Field.M:Dad...F:I'm saying that if you want it...if that's what you want,I'll do it.M:No,they'd take your bar.F:My bar.Jesus.My bar.They can take my bar to hell and back.You think my bar is more important to me than you,my only child?Give me the word,and we'll go.M:(think)They'll find me.They'll find me sooner of later.F:You know how they find people?They find them when they come home.People run away,but they usually come back.That's when they get caught.So you go...and you never come back.(Monty suddenly looked at his father...And I guess that's when he fell asleep.)You never come home.We'll drive.We'll keep driving.Head out to the middle of nowhere.(开到中部的无人区)Take that road as far as it takes us.You've never been west of Philly(费城),have you?This is a beautiful country ,Monty.It's beautiful out there.Looks like a different world--mountains,hills,cows,farms,and white churches.I drove out west with your mother one time.before you was born.Brooklyn to the Pacific in three days.(用了三天从布鲁克林开到西海岸)Just enough money for gas,sandwiches,and coffee,but we made it.Every man,woman,and child alive,should see the desert one time before they die.Nothing at all for miles around,nothing but sand and rocks and cactus and blue sky.Not a soul in sight.(连个鬼影都见不到)No sirens, no car alarms,nobody honking at you,(没有汽笛声，没有汽车喇叭声，没有人会冲你按喇叭)no madman cursing or pissing on the streets.You find the silence out there.You find the peace.You can find God.(singing..keep driving...)So,we drive west.Keep driving till we find a nice little town.These towns out in the desert--you know why they got there?People wanted to get away from somewhere else.The desert's for starting over.(Getting into a bar.)Find a bar,and I'll buy us drinks.I haven't had a drink in two years,but I'll have one with you,one last whiskey with my boy.Take our time with it--taste the barley,let it linger.(享受它的每一分每一秒，品尝大卖的味道，让它在口中萦绕)（They drunk.Father laughing）And then I'll go.(Monty took off his necklace and pass it to his father)M:I want you to keep that.F:(nodding,.)I'll hold it for you.(they get out of the bar and say goodbay.)I'll tell you,"Don't ever write me.Don't ever come visit."I'll tell you,"I believe in God's Kingdom,and I believe I'll be with you again and your mother,but not in this lifetime."(they hugged.)(Slow music plays)(Engine turns over)You get a job somewhere...a job that pays cash,a boss who doesn't ask question.And you make a new life and you never come back.Monty,people like you.It's a gift.You make friends wherever you go.You're gonna work hard.You're gonna keep your head down and your mouth shut.You're gonna make yourself a new home out there.You're a New Yorker.That will never change.You got New York in your bones.Spend the rest of your life out west,but you're still a New Yorker.You'll miss your friends,you'll miss your dog,but you're strong.You got your mother's backbone in you.(你有你妈妈的志气)You're strong like she was.You find the right people,and you get yourself papers.(找个正确的人，给你自己弄张出生证明)A driver's license.(taking pictures.)You forget your old life.You can't come back.You can't call.You can't write.You never look back.You make a new life for yourself,and you live it.You hear me?You live your life the way it should have been.And maybe...This is dangerous,but maybe after a couple of years,you send word to Naturelle.(He met Naturelle.and they celebrated New Year's eve together.Naturelle's with baby.)You get yourself a new family,and you raise them right,you hear me?Give them a good life,Monty.Give them what they need.You have a son.Maybe you name him James.It's a good,strong name.And maybe one day,years from now,long after I'm dead and gone,reunited with your dear mother,you gather your whole family together,and tell them the truth,who you are and where you come from.You tell them the whole story.And then you ask them,if they know how lucky they are to be there.It all came so close to never happening.(back to the reality...)This life came so close to never happening.(Man vocalizing)

结尾，爱德华·诺顿看到公共汽车里的黑人孩子，孩子在车窗上写下他的名字“TOM”，从诺顿的角度看是“MOT”，然后诺顿写下了自己的名字“MONTY”，用“MONTY”减去“MOT”，看看你得到了哪两个字母？

导演是斯派克·李，所以这不太可能是巧合http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0307901/board/thread/96008336

　“　Monty（爱德华·诺顿 Edward Norton 饰）牵着他的狗在纽约散步，白天，他去了他以前就读的学校拜访了他的老友Jacob（菲利普·塞默·霍夫曼 Philip Seymour Hoffman 饰），Jacob在里面当英语老师，课上他的女学生Mary（安娜·帕奎 因 Anna Paquin 饰）非常活跃。

而Monty和Jacob的另一个好友Frank（巴里·佩珀 Barry Pepper 饰）则在公司忙碌地工作着。

事情的起因是某天的下午，Monty回到家，发现女友Naturalle（罗莎里奥·道森 Rosario Dawson 饰）在家门口等待许久。

两人正在浴缸里调情的时候，警察突然来敲他们的家门。

Monty藏在沙发里的毒品被发现。

因此他被起诉，被判入狱7年。

Monty离进监狱只剩下几个小时的时间了，他开始怀疑是不是女友出卖了他。

Monty去找了他的老爸，两人谈了很多很多，之后他们一群人去到酒吧，却意外地遇到了Jacob的女学生Mary。

24小时过去了，下一个小时开始，Monty就要开始他的监狱生涯...... ©豆瓣”这是豆瓣的影片介绍，我一直期待着那神奇的第“25小时”，但谁知道，影片也就此结束。

影片简介就能交代完的内容，竟然能扯上2个多小时！

里面很多段落，比如交易员和老板斗嘴、和同事争吵、辱骂散工，男主逛校园和老师的谈话，删掉对影片有影响么？

很多段落，比如三人相约去酒吧，从开始等男主到男主去见老大，将近30分钟缩短至5分钟对人物、对情节有影响么？

这影片究竟想表达什么？

我翻了以往影评，最高赞影评竟然是一段台词的复制。

可见这部又普通又冗长的片子乏味到什么程度！

除了强行夸Ed演技好，夸台词牛，实在没地方贴金了！

这就是部烂片！

冲着诺顿去的，没想到遇到了斯派克李这个常年坐在尼克斯队比赛场边的超级饮水机看守者。

扯远了。

驱车一个小时前往一个完全不同的人生，恐怕是许多人梦想中的选择。

生命中这虚无的第25小时往往能带来许多最美好的“回忆”——要是当初不是如此这般现在也不会如此这般。

然而一切都是虚幻都是梦境都是假设。

如果把人生比作一棵大树，每一个枝桠的交汇之处就是这第25小时，我们有这么多的可能性，这么多美好的“未来”，我当时要是这么做了现在可能会怎么怎么样。

但遗憾的是，你只能选择一条路，你不是一棵树，你是一根藤，你只能向前，你不能回头，所以，珍惜你所拥有的，活在当下。

我们很多人跟芒蒂一样，在生活平静的时候，我们也以为生活就是这样。

而当他贩毒事发后，一切开始因为灾难而随之而动：爱情，亲情，友情。

爱情，经受了考验，不是女友告发的；友情，更在最后为了让他好好在监狱生活，而朋友含着痛与泪来帮他破像；亲情，父亲对他的将来进行了美好的设计，规划和谆谆教导。

这里我最喜欢的就是电影中的义气：从小一起长大的哥们没有离他而去；而他也没有背叛同伙，自己一个人把这事给扛了下来（即使不扛，他也没有好果子吃）在他患难的时候，这些人与人之间真挚的感情让他开始平静去思考，感受和面对这个世界。

之前他FUXK的人最后在电影中都那么可爱；而他对自己也生活也有了重新认识，一切也都那么美好起来－－也许是真的因为觉得美好，也许是因为虽然这些平常他FUXK的东西，比起他可怕的牢狱生活来说，要可爱的得。

生活就是这样，在一切顺利的时候，你觉得生活很平淡，无聊，可是等到了灾难困难发生，才发现自己平常觉得很讨厌，很反感，很没趣的东西，是那么珍贵，可爱，难得。

失去后才知道拥有的珍贵；苦难才知道平淡的美好。

如同最后在结尾他父亲说，你在沉默中发现平静，在平静中找到天堂。

You know how they find people?They find them when they come home.People went away,but they usually come back,that's why they got caught.So you go,and never come back,never come home. Let's drive,keep driving, Head out to the middle of nowhere, take that road as far as it takes us. You've never been west of Philly, have ya? This is a beautiful country Monty, it's beautiful out there, like a different world. Mountains, hills, cows, farms, and white churches. I drove out west with your mother one time, before you was born. Brooklyn to the Pacific in three days. Just enough money for gas, sandwiches, and coffee, but we made it. Every man, woman, and child alive should see the desert one time before they die.Nothin' at all for miles around. Nothin' but sand and rocks and cactus and blue sky.Not a soul in sight. No sirens. No car alarms. Nobody honkin' atcha. No madmen cursin' or pissin' in the streets. You find the silence out there, you find the peace. You can find God. So we drive west, keep driving till we find a nice little town. These towns out in the desert, you know why they got there? People wanted to get way from somewhere else.The desert's for startin' over.Find a bar and I'll buy us drinks.I haven't had a drink in two years, but I'll have one with you, one last whisky with my boy. Take our time with it, taste the barley, let it linger. And then I'll go. I'll tell you dont ever write me, dont ever visit, I'll tell you I believe in God's kingdom and I'll see you and your mother again, but not in this lifetime. You'll get a job somewhere, a job that pays cash, a boss who doesn't ask questions, and you make a new life and you never come back. Monty, people like you, it's a gift, you'll make friends wherever you go.You're going to work hard, you're going to keep your head down and your mouth shut. You're going to make yourself a new home out there. You're a New Yorker, that won't ever change. You got New York in your bones. Spend the rest of your life out west but you're still a New Yorker. You'll miss your friends, you'll miss your dog, but you're strong. You got your mother backbone in you, you're strong like she was. You find the right people, and you get yourself papers, a drivers license.You forget your old life, you can't come back, you can't call, you can't write. You never look back. You make a new life for yourself and you live it, you hear me? You live your live the way it should have been. But maybe, this is dangerous, but maybe after a few years you send word to Naturelle.You get yourself a new family and you raise them right, you hear me?Give them a good life Monty. Give them what they need. You have a son, maybe you name him James, it's a good strong name, and maybe one day years from now years after im dead and gone reunited with your dear ma, you gather your whole family around and tell them the truth, who you are, where you come from, you tell them the whole story. Then you ask them if they know how lucky there are to be there.It all came so close to never happening. This life came so close to never happening.

Well, fuck you, too. Fuck me, fuck you, fuck this whole city and everyone in it. Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back. Fuck the squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job! Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores, stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35. Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English? Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from! Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds! Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gekko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for FUCKING LIFE! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Worldcom! Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, 'cause they make the Puerto Ricans look good. Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, their St. Anthony medallions, swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos. Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermes scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart! Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take five steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on! Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust! Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin' Otisville, J! Fuck Osama Bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fuel fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal Irish ass! Fuck Jacob Elinsky, whining malcontent. Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass. Fuck Naturelle Riviera, I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back, sold me up the river, fucking bitch. Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar sipping on club sodas, selling whisky to firemen, cheering the Bronx bombers. Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row-houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue, from the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split-levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it, let the fires rage, let it burn to fucking ash and then let the waters rise and submerge this whole rat-infested place.

真的，告诉我什么叫做真正的生活，告诉我人是怎么由人性和兽性结合在一起的，这两者是怎么接受现实的拷打，然后大浪淘沙下来的才是金子。

以前我不思考什么才是生活，什么才是人性，现在结合自己的生活才看明白人性的选择，我还是要分析要动脑子才行。

只有失去了才是知道珍惜，爱德华诺顿用25小时一天的生活告诉我，每一分一秒都要好好的利用，都要当成最后一天来过，否则就会搞砸了，人生还是要好好的走，否则容易走错了，人真的可能会走错的，所以每一步都要动脑子，都要努力，都要小心❤️ 我以前相信老天有眼，可是我身边那些畜生老天真的会有眼吗？

我天生没有兽性只有人性，还要被那些畜生一直咬着，希望老天有眼，还是他妈的要靠自己，这个问题我一定要弄清楚。

总之他妈的一定要把自己弄好，这才是真的，其它的可以慢慢探索。

一定要做好自己。